Why I Shaved My Head

I’m bald. At least for a few weeks until my hair grows back. I allowed my head to be shaved as a participant in a fundraiser to fight childhood cancer. I joined a group of Rabbis from around the country for an event called “36 Rabbis Shave for the Brave”.   As a group, we have raised over $360,000, and every dollar makes a difference. Our goal is to find a way to stop childhood cancer.

Every day I give thanks to God for my health and for my family. Every family has a story. Leora and I are blessed, and each and every day I give thanks to God, for granting us a beautiful daughter, Shir, and our sons Sam & Gideon. But before we had Shir, we had another son. Following a perfect full-term pregnancy, we arrived at the hospital full of hope and with great expectation. But things didn’t turn out as we expected. The doctors explained that there was nothing more to do. And our hope turned to sorrow, and instead of planning a bris, we planned a funeral. With the passage of time we tried again to build our family tree.

We recognize the limitations of our power while recognizing that we can still bring healing, comfort and new hope to those who mourn. I wish I had had the power to save the life of "Superman Sam," an 8-year old in Chicago diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia in 2012. But I didn't. I never even met him, nor his parents, but his parents, Phyllis and Michael, both rabbis, chronicled Sam’s cancer journey on their blog Superman Sam. He died last December.

I would not dare to compare my experience that the Sommers, but I was moved to join the group of 36 Rabbis Shave for the Brave, rabbis fighting back in memory of Sam and for all children who are fighting cancer. Rabbis Phyllis Sommer & Rebecca Shore started looking for 36 Reform Rabbis who would shave their heads and support the work of St. Baldrick’s. I’m not in the CCAR, but those denominational lines mean nothing when it comes to standing together to bring comfort and healing to our world. I shaved to remember Sam, and to support his mom, dad and siblings, and my colleagues who are joining in this fight. My hope and prayer is that through our efforts we can spare other parents from the pain of telling their child that there is nothing that the doctors can do to save his life.

Now, for every person who asks me, "Why did you shave your head" I'll be able to share Sam's story, the story of my colleagues and our effort to raise money for the St. Baldrick's Foundation. This volunteer-driven charity funds more in childhood cancer research grants than any organization except the U.S. government. Your gift will give hope to infants, children, teens and young adults fighting childhood cancers. So when I ask for your support, I'm really asking you to support these kids. Thank you!

Before my head was shaved last night, I told our high school students about St. Baldrick's and explained why I am doing this.  I invited Debbie Loeb, a beloved teacher in our nursery school to be there.  She spoke about her son Scott of blessed memory, and about the organization she started in his memory called  "Smiles for Scott". 

This week's Torah portion is Shemini, and it begins with the loss of life.   It is at a time of celebration, the dedication of the Tabernacle, the installation of Aaron and his sons as Cohanim, when suddenly two of Aaron's sons die. Life is not about death -- it is about joy and celebration and making the most of all our time together.  It's about community and simchas and all that is good and meaningful.  It is our memories of those whom we've lost that sustain us in life's sad moments - in it is in these moments that those we loved and lost are most with us, and we know that they would share our joy.

I shaved - my job in this particular effort is done. To those who have donated, I thank you.  If you haven't yet made a donation you may still do so.

Click "Make a donation" to give online, or donate by phone or mail.  You can still help make a difference.

Below is a brief video hightlight of my shave which took place at Midway Jewish Center with our high school students in attendance.

Thank you for your support.

Parshat Ki Tissa: Going for the Gold & Calf

Last Friday was a notable day on the Jewish calendar – Purim Katan, the little Purim, so called because it was the 14th of Adar I in a leap year.  Our observance of Purim is in Adar Bet, in one month from now.  So to increase your joy in advance of Purim I’ll refer you to 3 Ice Jewish Boys:  3 Jews in USA’s figure skating delegation:  Charlie White, singles skater Jason Brown, and pairs skater Simon Shnapir. 

Then there’s the Israeli delegation:  Figure skaters Alexei Bychenko and the duo of Evgeni Krasnopolski and Andrea Davidovich, as well as short-track speed skater Vladislav Bykanov and skier Virgile Vandeput are in Sochi to represent Israel.

How does Israel, a country which made the desert bloom, in which snow in Jerusalem makes international news, come to have 5 athletes in these Winter Olympics?  Soviet Olim.

There is not a hockey team from Israel competing in Sochi. Ice hockey in Israel began to grow when several Russian Jewish émigrés, who had played professionally in the Soviet Union, began coaching in Metula, the site of Israel's first and currently only full-size rink. Most notable among these Russian coaches was Boris Mindel, a former defenseman on the Red Army Team, who established a junior program at the Canada Center rink in Metula.

Ice hockey in Israel received an additional boost of momentum when Roger Neilson, coach of several NHL teams including the New York Rangers and Toronto Maple Leafs, opened a branch of his summer ice hockey camp in Metula and attracted young North American players to train and compete with young Israelis interested in the sport.

Back when nobody was getting out, we were getting out Jews.  Made possible through Mahatzit Hashekel, which symbolizes shared giving and shared effort.

What does this have to do with the Parsha?  Census taken by a contribution of a half shekel.   Why a half and not a whole?
In the Talmud Yerushalmi we learn that Yohanan Ben Zakkai taught that at the time of the golden calf they transgressed 10 commandments, so to atone and equal number they gave Mahatzeit HaShekel, an amount equal to 10 Gerah. 
Another idea: Samson Raphael Hirsch wrote,  “Even the most complete and most perfect work of any single individual is never the whole…. Can never accomplish everything, the work of any single person will always remain but a fragment.” Requiring what?  An equally devoted offering on the part of another.  Out of a concern for others some in the Jewish world in particular are protesting the Sochi Olympics  to protest the Russian government’s civil rights abuses, particularly with regard to the LGBT community.  We should be concerned with what's happening in Russia, for each of us is only a fragment.

This week’s parsha also includes the episode of the Golden Calf & Moses breaking the tablets.  Midrash & Talmud teach that the broken fragments are placed in the Ark along with the second set Moses eventually received.  Why save those fragments of the shattered tablets?  Because we don’t sweep away mistakes, errors, failures, we don’t simply forget –we remember and we learn from them.  

Consider US ice skater Jeremy Abbott who fell, but he got up and kept going.  He said, "As much of a disappointment as this is, I am not in the least bit ashamed. I stood up and finished this program, and I am proud of what I did in the circumstances."

Going for the Gold – how many times have we heard that expression in the last week?  In the Olympics it’s the Gold Medals and in the Torah it’s the Golden Calf, sports and theology --   anybody know people who makes a religion out of sports?  

Of course, they’re not here today – they’re out skiing, or skating, and this spring they’ll be on the golf course and the kids will be in little league.  But that’s not what the gold is about – it’s about idolatry, and you can have that in sport as well as religion – when the gold is the God.  

Anyone remember the origin of the Olympics?  They were originally for the pleasure of the Greek gods who dwelt on Mt Olympus.  The gods loved to see humans compete, struggle against one another.  But that’s not what the God of Israel wants.  Through the 10 commandments God challenges us to live up to the best within each of us, to achieve a life of mitzvoth- - which are also good deeds.  

Lo Nitna Torah Ela L’tzreph et HaAdam – say the sages.  The reason for Torah was given is to refine human beings – by practicing its precepts we refine our best qualities.  

Sport is supposed to work the same way.  The object is to do your best, to be your best, and medal or no medal, that makes you a winner.  But there’s more.  In Hebrew the word “L’Tzafef” to refine, can also mean “to join together”.  It has the connotation of joining with others to achieve a goal.  It implies teamwork.  That’s something else the commandments are supposed to do.  Unite us as a people – because no individual can possibly do them all – which certainly fits in with the theme of the Half Shekel as well; and the commandments are supposed to refine our behavior such that it reflects caring for all people – l’tzref.  

Anything less is idolatry symbolized in Torah and sport by going for the gold.

To be fair, though, there are exemplary athletes on and off the ice.  But you may have to go beyond the front page.

Russian cross-country skier Anton Gafarov was about a minute and a half into the men’s sprint free semifinals race when he fell. Hard. When he got up, he was struggling his way down the course on a broken ski, pushing himself along using only his poles for momentum. Just trying to finish.

“This is what the Olympic spirit is all about,” says the commentator on NBC’s stream, admiring the determination.

As he hits the downhill stretch into the stadium, Gafarov falls again. This time the ski looks shredded. “Can he keep going?” asks the commentator. “Will he?” Gafarov gets back up, now balanced on one ski.

And then, a man runs onto the course and, with the efficiency of a NASCAR pit crew, swaps out the broken ski for a new one so Gafarov can ski his way across the finish line – to uproarious applause.

That man was not Gafarov’s coach or teammate. Instead it was rival coach Justin Wadsworth, of Canada’s team, who ran out to help the struggling skier.

“I wanted him to have dignity as he crossed the finish line,” Wadsworth was quoted by the CBC as saying.

Both Wadsworth and Gafarov must have known that changing skis on the course is against the rules of international competition. But in that moment it seemed not to matter. “It’s kind of like seeing an animal in a trap,” Wadsworth said. “I just couldn’t let him sit there.”

That is what the Olympic spirit is all about.

He was going for more than gold.  From the Half Shekel & Golden Calf there are lessons for B’nai Yisrael:  sharing, sportsmanship, learning from our past, and uniting us as a people, connecting us one to another and to God.  
Let’s go for it!

Parshat Bo: Bringing Light from Darkness

Parshat Bo 5774

 “Moses held out his arm toward the sky and thick darkness descended upon all the land of Egypt. For three days Lo Rau Ish Et Ahiv – one person could not see his fellow, v’lo Kamu Ish Mitachtav – and no one could get up from where he was.”  This is the Torah’s description of the great darkness, the last of the great plagues before death itself.  If the plagues are given in order of severity, only death is more severe than this plague of darkness which paralyzed Egypt.  What was its nature?  What kind of darkness can so disable a society?

Midrash Rabbah, the classical rabbinic commentary of the sixth century says this was “Hosech Shel Geheynom- the darkness of Hell” and then adds:  “Oy Lo Labayit Sheholonotav P’tuchim l’toch Hosech – woe to the household whose windows open into darkness.”  Is this simply a lament or is it an explanation?  Perhaps a story will shed light.

Once a man arrived at the gates to the next world.  He was neither good nor bad; he was right in the middle, perfectly average.  It was something which had never happened before and those responsible for placement could not decide whether he should be sent to Gan Eden – to paradise – or to Geheynom – the opposite.  In an unprecedented ruling, they offered the follow the opportunity to choose for himself, and sent him on a tour of both places.

His first stop was the nether world.  As he entered, he was very surprised to find himself at a banquet hall.  Every place he looked there were platters of food, all attractively prepared and beautifully set out.  He also noticed immediately that all the residents seemed to have the proper eating utensils in their hands.  Then, to his horror, he realized that all the people looked cadaverous, like they were dying of hunger.  They stood about moaning, surrounded by all the food one could want, and nobody reached out to take any. 

“Why,” our visitor demanded of one of the tortured beings standing near him.  The near corpse did not respond but speared a delicate morsel with the implement in his hand.  He tried to bring it to his mouth, but his arm stopped in mid-air, and the guest was shaken by what he saw.  The fork in the man’s hand was attached to a long handle which was strapped to his arm in such a way that he could not bend his elbow.  Try as he might, there was no way he could bring the food to his mouth.  The residents of Geheynom were starving amid plenty.  “Take me from this place,” the visitor cried, and he was instantly whisked away to Gan Eden.

Still in a state of shock, he pushed open the door to the upper realm.  When he found himself looking at exactly the same physical surroundings he had encountered below, he screamed, panicked, and bolted.  In his haste, he ran into one of the souls and, up close now, realized that the fellow looked happy, well-fed, and content.  When he grabbed the man’s arm, however, he saw that here too the utensils were strapped on in such a way that the man’s elbow would not bend.  “How do you feed yourself?” asked the applicant.  “I don’t,” replied the resident.  And with that he picked up some food and extended his arm to a person near him.  That person, in turn, offered food to him.  Neither could feed himself, but they had no difficulty feeding each other. 

The darkness of Hell, the darkness which affected the Egyptians, was their own selfishness.  That is the Hosech described in the ninth plague:  “Lo Rau Ish Et Ahiv – one person could not see his fellow, v’lo Kamu Ish Mitachtav – and one could get up from where he was.” 

People could not see beyond themselves, beyond their own personal needs, desires, and whims, and therefore, they were paralyzed.  The windows of the Egyptian’s homes looked out into darkness.  When one tries to look through such a window, it is almost impossible, for the window become like a mirror, and one sees only himself.

Lo Rau Ish Et Ahiv – when people do not see one another – Lo Kamu Ish Mitachtav ---- no one can get up from where he is. 

Here is another story which teaches just the opposite – at true story that illuminates what can happen when we truly see one another.

 "Superman Sam," was 8-year old in Chicago diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia in 2012.  I never even met him, but his parents, Phyllis and Michael, both rabbis, chronicled Sam’s cancer journey on their blog Superman Sam.  

At the end of October, Rabbis Phyllis Sommer and Rebecca Schorr had a crazy idea: what if thirty-six rabbis would shave their heads to bring attention to the fact that only 4% of United States federal funding for cancer research is earmarked for all childhood cancers as well as raise $360,000 for this essential research. Two weeks after this conversation, Phyllis and her husband, Michael, learned that their son, Sam, had relapsed with AML (acute myeloid leukemia) and that there were no other treatment options for him. 

Why thirty-six?

Our Sages teach that at all times there are thirty-six righteous people in the world and if just one of them was missing, the world itself would come to an end. They are known as the Lamed-Vavniks, based on the numeric equivalents of the two Hebrew letters for 36 are the lamed, which is 30, and the vav. (Tractate Sanhedrin 97b; Tractate Sukkah 45b).

The identities of the lamed-vavniks are hidden from each other and even themselves. In fact, should a person claim to be one of the thirty-six, that would be prove that he or she is most certainly not a lamed-vavnik as a true lamed-vavnik is too humble to think that he or she is that righteous.

But what if, for one moment, everyone behaved as if he or she was truly that righteous? Imagine such a world?

And so 36 Rabbis Shave for the Brave was born.

The response from the rabbinic community has been overwhelming; in just over four weeks, many rabbis have registered to shave their heads.

That’s right – this fine hair will be gone in March.  But I invite you to join me in doing something. After Shabbat, you can chip in- $5, $10 or $18 – it all adds up and will make a difference. (To donate, click here.) 

I wish I had had the power to save the life of Superman Sam.  He died last month. 

We couldn’t save Sammy; perhaps, though, we can save others like him. And spare other parents like Phyllis and Michael from the pain of telling their child that there is nothing that the doctors can do to save his life.

And now I’ve joined a group of slightly-meshugene, but very devoted rabbis who are yearning to do something.

The description of the plague of darkness ends by noting “U’lechol B’nai Yisrael Haya Or B’Moshvotam” – but for the children of Israel there was light where they dwelled.”  B’nai Yisrael continued to see each other and care for one another and get up to do for one another, despite the darkness that was all around them. 

When we look beyond ourselves and respond, we dispel darkness and become Or L’Goyim – a light to the nations, which is the challenge, put to us by our tradition.

Thirty-six times the Torah will look back at the experience in Egypt.  Thirty-six times following today’s Torah reading, Torah calls upon us to remember that we were strangers in a land that was plagued by darkness.  And every time the text says, “therefore you must care for the orphan, the widow, and the stranger.”  We must resist Lo Rau Ish Et Ahiv V’lo Kamu Ish Et Mitachtav – the tendency not to see and not to act.

Instead, we must bring light to those most likely to suffer when darkness descends.

Perhaps that is why the Psalmist prayed with these words:  “Teach me your way, O Lord, and lead me on an even path.  For with you is the fountain of life, Uv’Orkha Nire Or – in Your light do we see light.”

“Torah Orah – God’s Torah is a light,” says the Sages.  May we live in the light of the words we read this Shabbat. 

AMEN